It's time again for the Tour De France, and once again Austin's own Lance Armstrong is keeping to the front of the pack, within striking distance of an eventual win.

That means it's time again for Lance-mania to spread across Austin; time for the former French student in me to cringe in horror.

The most popular Lance-mania slogan is "Viva Le Lance". Yes, Viva!

This is wrong on so many levels.

1. The proper verb form in French is "Vive," not "Viva". "Viva" would be fine, in Spanish!

2. Lance is a proper name. When a proper name is the object of the verb vivre—meaning, in this subjunctive form, "Long live..."—it should not have an article. No "la". No "le". Just "Vive Lance!" Countries get an article, people don't.

3. One could potentially make an argument for the article because the slogan does echo the well-known patriotic cry "Vive la France!" If that's the reason for including it, though, wouldn't it make more sense to use the feminine article "la"? Yes, Lance is male, but if we're echoing the original, let's use the same article, ok? Otherwise, if we're going to be hung up on his masculinity, let's just ditch the article and make it correct by saying"Vive Lance".

But it doesn't matter, because the whole slogan is just utterly wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

My inner French student, as crippled as his vocabulary is these days, wants to cry.

Don't be surprised if you start seeing bumper stickers around Austin with culture-jammed permanent-marker corrections penned by a madman.

The good news is that the use of this abominable slogan doesn't seem to have had any karmic effects on Lance's performance over the past few years.

So join me in saying, loudly and correctly, Vive Lance!

Proving once again that anything, even the most chilling behaviors of our government, can be made funny, there is a parody site lampooning the Operation TIPS site.

Downtown Austin is changing, and I don't just mean Ruta Maya Coffee House being replaced by something called Halcyon.

There are regular flyovers by jets and Blackhawk helicopters, for one. I'm not sure whether these are training flights, or patrol runs over the Capitol and surrounding government buildings.

There's also a sleek black car left running in the breezeway of my building (clearly marked "No Parking", of course) , almost all the time. It's precisely the sort of black car with tinted windows that I was very accustomed to when living in the tony, monied Georgetown neighborhood of Washington, DC, home to many a top-ranking politician. Here, however, it seems very much out of place.

I'm curious—who in my building warrants a chauffeur? The flouting of the "No Parking" signs is de rigueur for chauffeurs and bodyguards—no surprise there—but I'm just wondering what kind of person with that much fame and/or authority would live in an apartment building like mine. The place is somewhat secure, but certainly not conducive to privacy.

My current working hypothesis is that one of our building's few furnished apartments is currently occupied by a celebrity who is just in town for a few days. Ethan Hawke is supposed to be appearing at Bookpeople, 2 blocks away, later in the week. Maybe it's him.

People have apparently been sighting Sandra Bullock in town again, so maybe it's her, too. I was under the impression she had already purchased a more permanent residence in the area, though.

Still, whoever it is, I must say I'm not surprised by the parking behavior but I am annoyed by it. Yet another example of the tendency of my fellow building occupants to completely disregard the implicit social contracts of community living.

I really am tired of the loud parties at 3am on the rooftop, the broken beer bottles in the stairwells and elevators, and the anonymous person who left a note on my door telling me my music is too loud at 5am and he/she has notified management. Never a knock on the door to say so, and besides I am asleep at 5am, so he/she has the wrong apartment, which a knock and a friendly request would have confirmed.

Can't we try to resolve problems without whining to management first? Isn't this what they taught us in kindergarten?

I guess I'm not so worried about downtown changing as I am about people changing. People are not civil anymore. Politeness and respect—left for dead.

In their place, helicopters buzzing over as I walk to Katz's of a Sunday morning, and sleek black cars left running, running.

What ever happened to civility?