It's time again for the Tour De France, and once again Austin's own Lance Armstrong is keeping to the front of the pack, within striking distance of an eventual win.

That means it's time again for Lance-mania to spread across Austin; time for the former French student in me to cringe in horror.

The most popular Lance-mania slogan is "Viva Le Lance". Yes, Viva!

This is wrong on so many levels.

1. The proper verb form in French is "Vive," not "Viva". "Viva" would be fine, in Spanish!

2. Lance is a proper name. When a proper name is the object of the verb vivre—meaning, in this subjunctive form, "Long live..."—it should not have an article. No "la". No "le". Just "Vive Lance!" Countries get an article, people don't.

3. One could potentially make an argument for the article because the slogan does echo the well-known patriotic cry "Vive la France!" If that's the reason for including it, though, wouldn't it make more sense to use the feminine article "la"? Yes, Lance is male, but if we're echoing the original, let's use the same article, ok? Otherwise, if we're going to be hung up on his masculinity, let's just ditch the article and make it correct by saying"Vive Lance".

But it doesn't matter, because the whole slogan is just utterly wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

My inner French student, as crippled as his vocabulary is these days, wants to cry.

Don't be surprised if you start seeing bumper stickers around Austin with culture-jammed permanent-marker corrections penned by a madman.

The good news is that the use of this abominable slogan doesn't seem to have had any karmic effects on Lance's performance over the past few years.

So join me in saying, loudly and correctly, Vive Lance!